Learning to Expect Good

I believe it's normal and healthy to expect good things.

Deep down I think most people expect good for themselves until the world throws some bad stuff their way. We should always be believing in good coming our way, but I think that hope for good can begin to drift when we experience enough bad events in our lives.

Is there a way to change this? My experience tells me, yes.

I feel it’s safe to say that most people coming out of addiction and into recovery have struggled with having a controlling mentality.

I certainly did. Because I experienced so much bad in my life, I thought the only way to bring good out of a situation was if I somehow controlled the outcome in my favor.

Addiction-driven mentalities don’t just warp the psyche (soul and spirit), but it also leaves a lingering residue in our thinking and actions. One of the joys of my recovery has been learning how to live in a space of expecting good things to happen as a result of my hard work but learning to lose the expectation of how I think these good things have to happen.

Expectation is a deceitful acquaintance that masquerades as a friend.

Imagine a friend whose goal is to continually trick you into thinking that things should always go the way you think they should go. And while this phony friend tricks you they ingrain an intensely counterproductive mode of operation into your psyche called the “victim mentality.”

This is what the fake friend called expectation does to us.

By the time someone has allowed expectation to sink its teeth into their mind, there is a good chance that the roots of entitlement have also sunk deep into the soil of their heart. This divisive stance then brings us a false sense of superiority and as a result the finger-pointing and accusing others of our problems is a byproduct, ultimately positioning oneself for isolation and unhealthy relationships.

So you may be asking, how then do we go about expecting good things?

I believe living in expectancy is the answer, and there is a vast difference between expectation and expectancy.

Expectancy is a quiet and humble confidence of knowing that if I do my part, God will do His part in bringing about my success. Expectancy is when you go into a situation expecting to gain from it one way or another, but not having to control how that happens.

Expectation, on the other hand, is fueled by pride. Expectation is saying that I know best, I know exactly how this should work out and if it doesn’t someone is to blame.

Expectancy is fueled by knowing that the best is coming my way, but when I try to manipulate how that comes about I shrink my world down to my size instead of the graceful and expansive world God has for me.

Expectancy is a healthy faith of knowing that good is my portion and I will put in my hard work in relationships, personal life, and career and I will do everything I can to celebrate others' success and help them achieve it in the process. I have experienced more good than I could have imagined as I grow in this mode of operation.

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Check out this 2 min video for more clarity on this topic.

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I have an expectancy that all the good God has planned for my life will become my reality.

But if I slip back into the controlling way of expectation I can quickly become blind to all the endless opportunities and possibilities where good could come into my life.

The freeing way of life found in expectancy drives me to receive more than I could ever ask, think, or imagine. I get to enter situations knowing that good is coming my way, but without creating an expectation of how that has to happen.

So...

Are you living in expectation?

Or are you living in expectancy?

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"I relapsed, now what?"

Relapse does not have to be part of your story.

Relapse can, unfortunately, be common with some people in recovery, but you don't have to buy into the thinking that you're going to relapse at some point.

Over 11 yrs into my recovery journey and after helping hundreds of people get clean and sober I have identified two time periods when people most often relapse. The first is obvious, it's early recovery.

Years of active addiction put us on a course of creating and avoiding problems.

That and the fact that changing from active addiction into healthy recovery is hard enough by itself and it can sometimes feel like the perfect storm. But no matter the mess someone has created, recovery is possible and the choice to recover is always the best one.

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Struggling to step into recovery, and stay in recovery? Check out this amazing story of a friend of ours stepping into recovery after decades of active addiction.

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The second time that I see people relapse is a not-so-obvious one, and that is when life gets good again. When life gets good again we can sometimes fall into the trap of thinking, "I got my life back in order. I can manage my drinking and using now."

Let's say you fall into one of these categories and you've relapsed, first of all, it's OK. I'm not condoning a relapse, but you are still loved and recovery is still worth it. Also, know this...you may have lost your sobriety date but you didn't lose the experience you gained.

If you're really ready to change, take accountability and responsibility as fast as you can. The sooner you face it, the sooner you get past it. Admit your wrongs and start getting back to what you know works.

One of the biggest things I emphasize with my clients when it comes to relapse prevention, or what to do if you relapsed, is the importance of daily habits and discipline.

Just about every time I talk with someone that has relapsed I ask them what their daily spiritual fitness was like and almost always they admit that it was few and far between, or nonexistent.

If you feel yourself in a bit of shape, spiritually speaking, the best way I have found to get back into clear thinking and actions is by getting back to the daily disciplines of reading, writing, praying, and talking with people in recovery.

So you might have relapsed, but you don't have to dig that hole deeper. Rock bottom is simple, it's where you decide to stop digging. Call someone and admit what's going on, and start getting back into spiritual shape today.

And remember this...

God loves you, forgives you, and wants you to be happy even more than you do. He is on your side. He is the best partner you'll ever have, and remember, "No one that matters is keeping track of your failures." - Mike Maeshiro

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From Hopeless to Hope Dealer

For those caught in the struggle.

I’ve lived in my car, and my copilot was alcohol and drugs.

Even a couple of years into my recovery journey I would still get nervous when cops were behind me because my mind carried a residue of fear after living in active addiction for over a decade.

I stared down the barrel of a gun that I was holding contemplating if life was worth living. This sad reality happened more than once.

I’ve had multiple active warrants out for my arrest all at the same time. I don't miss living in that fear.

I’ve gone a couple of days without food because I used my last dollars for gas in the car.

And I thought that was how life was supposed to be lived.

I know what it’s like to hide in a dark room and pull a blanket over my head afraid of people and the sunlight. My heart still goes out to people trapped in this dark reality.

BUT THEN GOD CAME ON THE SCENE...

I also know what it’s like to have all my legal consequences wiped clean in a day. Only the grace of God could do that!

I also know what it’s like to be used by God to stop someone else from suicide while they were holding a noose. From hopeless, to hope dealer...only God can do that.

I also know what it’s like to live over a decade drug and alcohol-free. When God enters the scene so does real freedom.

I also know what it’s like to love people so much that I chase them down on the street to pray for them sometimes. Once you experience His love, you become possessed to give it away.

I also know the unspeakable joy of being a husband and father. A true gift.

I also know what it’s like to know God, not just know about Him, but know Him.

There is a BIG difference. Knowing Him is the joy of my life.

No matter how low you’ve gone, God can RADICALLY transform your life. As a matter of fact, it’s what He’s best at.

Give God an inch, and He will give you a mile.

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Join the thousands of people that have gone through our FREE YouVersion Devotional, "Freedom from Addiction" - JOIN HERE

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